Peishi

2009-04-16T21:58:00.002+08:00

Ask eve to wake me up at 5.30. To play safe, i set my alarm at 5.45. Seriously i didn't expect that i'll sleep till 6. Still ok,but i've no more time left to eat. x( After everything i dashed out,hoping to reach serangoon on time. BUT before i could even reach the bus stop,the bus left right in front of me. zzz.. So no choice got to wait for next one lor.. Lucky i'm not very late..

I started off with andrew,liquan and laiyee. The crowd was not at all fantastic. Therefore as soon as most of the crowd was gone,i met up with andrew and we walked a great distance to find the two babes. In the end me and andrew left as we couldn't stand it anymore[literally meant it that way]. The two gals are superly-powerly-determine~ly-strong-and-obedient.. Aww.. We went to join florence,jielin and crystal for our crappy-session and finally to eat. Slacking last till we came back..

Well,i've collected $16.55. NOT BAD..

Hmm.. Damn lazy to say much. Will update if i have the chance.. x)

2009-04-14T22:35:00.002+08:00

Last friday was my last day of work. xD Good friday but i'm working,ya.. And i'm enjoying it.. April is very nice and i really don't bear to leave. Haiz.. Miss her but feel so busy..

Monday first day of orientations. Ya.. There's one Andrew and one Grace in my class haha.. Well,one day my classmates will understand. x)

Tuesday which is today,is good. Have fun playing games but guess i still need some time to really know them. I used to worry if i'll be left out in poly since i'm so quiet. But to my amazement,i'm NOT considered quiet in class and in fact a little too noisy. =x AHAHA influence by april.. Haha.. I swear she'll be so happy if she sees these. x)

Dear God,thankyou for giving me everything that i needed. Today Papa say sth about loving your enemies. Do give me some time. xD Amen. x)

2009-04-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

Aw..

I broke the bottle of body spray from April last sunday.. I just so happen to take my denim dress out as i'm intending to wear it. And the spray got knocked over and the whole bottle broke into sososo many pieces. So does my heart.. The broken glass cut my feet but i was too dumb-founded to do anything. That body spray is from Bath & Body Works. Sparkling Mountain Spring. This scent can no longer be found anywhere. Well,April bought this from states quite some time ago. She gave it to me because i once told her i'm looking into perfumes that is suitable for me and she gave me that and one perfume from the body shop-The Spirit of Moonflower. However i love the Sparkling Mountain Spring a lot more.. Haiz.. What a pity.. Now i can only try to catch the scent when i'm at the place where it dropped. Hopefully the scent will last me some time..

2009-03-26T21:15:00.003+08:00

0_0

Monday,screwed. I was waiting for our newbie to come for his first day of work. I'm in charge of guiding him around. Instructions was that he's coming to warehouse at 9 am. And i'll do the rest of things that i'm supposed to do. 9.15am--Not here. 9.30am--Not here. Lost? I text him and i've no reply. I msg april,very unwilling to disturb her.. She ask me to try calling him. Called him 5 times and he didn't pick up. Accident? He better hope he is for i'm really mad. After few minutes he called. Not in a nice mood already.. He said he's sorry for the inconvenience blabla shit say emergency blabla shit say he email april blabla shit..blablablabla.. I'm still quite nice to him,so i ask if he's going to come afterall. He said no. I told him he better call april personally. Oh well i don't know if he did. But one thing for sure,that is that he's fired. SO much for having don't know what emergency that he's able to email april but can't even make it calling her? He's irresponsible stupid basturd!!! I thought he's older[he's 23 or 24?] so he would be better in anyway than me. Such a disappointment. Don't know if april can manage to find help in time.. School is starting really soon..

Tuesday wednesday thursday,which is today,were all spend in taka. Man!!! I tell you it's so bone-breaking.. My back hurts like hell and i'm not going to do sales when i grows up. I say,regardless of situations!!!

I want a break...

8_8

2009-03-20T20:44:00.002+08:00

Dad called yesterday and ask me to go home on sunday to see mummy and brothers. Who is he to tell me what to do? Haiz.. Bros they are too busy to be concerned with my presence. Anyway if they want to see me they can always meet me outside. But they are too young to care. Really. Not intending to go back so soon. Especially with that money issue with mummy.. As if all these are not stress enough for me,dad added on to say that godpa is most probably coming to see me on sunday. AWWWWW!!! He is just so naturallyoverlyconcernedandprotectiveoverme. BUT it's not like he's there to protect me. Just feel stressed in his presence. He is nice. But too nice. And the worst thing is that he always like to say that it is his honour to be able to accompany me through the worst time of my life.. Come on,he only like see me once or twice a month? And during that bad time it's ahpa and hubby and aunty ros and melea. Please and they don't even say such things. So what am i suppose/expected to do in future when i grows up? To repay his kindness and support? When you are close to somebody you wouldn't mind and can still think that it's only right to take after him when he grows old or something like that. But i don't feel close to him. NOT A TINY LITTLE BIT! When such feeling occurs a have no choice but to distance away from him. Sadly to say... It's too hard a responsibility that i need to bear... And he don't need to hold the responsibility of taking care of me. I'm well. Very. Feeling great.. Haiz..

Today i went to the warehouse to pick up sponsored items we're sponsoring 98.7 Fm. Went to mediacorp[first time there] then went to eat yongtaufoo at tpy. For the first time i thought i'm sick of yongtaufoo. T_T That's me. Like something and i'll eat non stop till i'm sick of it. =x Not a good thing to do.. After lunch i went to taka to pack and tidy toot counter.

I saw aunty molly and i told her i'll stop working for april somewhere in april when school is starting. She sounded upset and exclaimed that she hates to hear that. Haiz. Ya,it had been so fast. I've been working with april,learning by her side for 4 months plus and it's time for me to go. Never thought it'll be so fast. Really.. And i just realised that perhaps i hasn't learnt enough from her. The time we had was way too short. She target to teach me whatever i need to know for my life ahead. At least say for poly? For dealing with circumstances i faced with right now? For dealing with emotions? Don't bear to leave her..

Dear God are you sending me to move on to another phase of my life now?

2009-03-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

Went to warehouse to sort out stuffs. And that took 2 hours. Haha. And then i went for lunch.. Thought i can see hubby after sending goods to bugis. But in the end the delivery was cancelled. However because i'm not dressed for taka,I'm not going over to see hubby. Awww.. I went to Parkway to do survey. Hehe.. So fun.. But not all jobs will be so carefree like this.. It just happen to be that my boss is nice. But not all bosses are nice..

I guess i'm tired 'cause i am speaking funny. Conclusion!!! I want see hubby. I want to work for a nice boss if i have the chance. I want a water hulahoop. I want to get my contact lens done.

Nitez..

2009-03-17T22:52:00.002+08:00

Can't wait for school to start for i'm starting to feel sick working. Working hard to save money,save money for school.. What thing for school??? Haiz.. I can't save enough for my school fees and expenses for the rest of my days in poly. But do i have to save so hard now. Not like i can save much.. But i've quite some things i have in mind that i wan to buy right now so what comes first? Save or spend? Sickening.

Anyway,i went to taka today. Met hubby for lunch and start work together. Then we have a long day and i left earlier than him and back home and full stop. I'm totally exhausted and i start wondering if sales is for me? And if not how the heck am i going to survive?????

Hope tomorrow will be a good day.

Dear God,please give me rest.

2009-03-15T22:04:00.002+08:00

Went to church with a thankful heart today. But before that something happen. Daddy called me using my mum's phone. =.= In our conversation it's plainly concern. I thought that he would be slightly upset but to my amazement he sounded as if he knew how i feel. Therefore i lose all my heart for screaming at him. He wanted me to call mum and go home to accompany her and he even stated that he won't be home when i'm in. I mean i THINK i AM still QUITE upset with him,but if only he knows that the reason of me not going home now is no longer about him. Never held much expectations of him so don't exactly feel disappointed? All i've left to say that i'm totally disgusted by mum and disappointed to the max.

Ya going to church.. Hubby working so he's not around. No amount of words could sufficiently describe the joy in my heart as i sing praises to God. Sometimes i blamed myself for being not consistent in my faith in him. But nevertheless,he NEVER forsake me. What else can i say? Well you see. In the church ahpa sat beside me. In his presence i feel so safe and nice and everything. He is such a nice papa to me. But i've realised that no matter how nice he is still not my dad. He has his own family like how i have mine. Now the question is do i still own one? I'm in this situation where my daddy don't fit to be my daddy and i've a loving papa who is a papa and just a papa like to everyone. Thus,under such circumstances i guess i can only rely on God to feel balanced. I've enough of all the comparing and complaining. And it is time for me to learn to handles emotions and thoughts like an adult,through God.

Anyway,i met up with pam at orchard. Have lots of fun window shopping,eating,chatting and playing a fool. Feel rather bad that i didn't gave her my full energetic heart as my mensus cramps bored me down. Subsequently i went over to suntec to find hubby. The journey there seems to take forever. I supposed due to human congestion reason,some routes were actually blocked. T.T So i got to take a very big turn there. AND i only have hubby for mere half an hour? Haiz. T_T And i took a damn long time waiting for a bus back home..

I seriously don't think that it's me who is temperamental. It's just different things happen at different time of the day and makes me feel that way..

2009-03-14T12:47:00.002+08:00

Yay!!! I'm back. Haha.

I'm here today because i bought my own laptop today. Because hubby is working. Because i'm having bad cramps. Because i'm TOO lazy to go out. x) So.. Ya.. Well,that's why. xD

Recent updates,i've seen my mum some few weeks ago. Turn out to be heart-wrenching and upsetting. And my bros are DAMN skinny. Haiz. Conclusion,i love my bros. But i wouldn't want to talk to mum anymore. Anyway i've ahpa n mummy grace so i won't go to the extent of being an orphan.

Work wise,good. I've got a nice boss. x) Sometimes you just don't know what to say but who cares? I know she cares deep in her heart. Kinda sad that i won't be able to work for her once school starts. However i'll continue to practice what she had taught me.

School wise,ok. I'm admitted into Singapore Polytechnic Accountancy Course. Wondering how's school life. HEHE.

Love.. I have to say hubby loves me lots.x) Really. I'm so thankful to have him and so fortunate to. He DOTES on me. x) Just praying that he'll continue[at least] or love me even more,and more,and more and more,in future. Hahahaha greedy me. xD Baby love hubby eh hughug.

Recently i felt as if i've drifted away from God for what ever the reason. I'm determined to restore our relationship back. Will be going to church tml. And meeting my gf,pam,after that. Then perhaps in the evening go suntec find hubby to give him some moral support. Hahaha.. Just tml... x)

2009-02-27T01:06:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7oGx2dImE8

just for laughs..

2009-01-20T00:08:00.004+08:00

my birthday wishings!

yaoguai
pamela
genevieve
yaoguai's parents
shiyun
clarissa
april
ah pa & mummy grace
verena
mummy
godpa
winnie
sandy
evelyn
brigette

2008-12-06T10:48:00.002+08:00

It had been soooooooooo long since i last posted. Oh well, busy and more busy.

At first i thought that there is something wrong with my laptop. I REALLY thought so. Previously i can't type a single word so i assume that there is something wrong with the keyboard or hard disc or whatever. I swear it happen!!! But recently Karen and Bridgette borrow my laptop to use and they use it like ten plus hours a day. AND my laptop is working perfectly well.[just a bit slow sometimes]

So now i know that my laptop is working. But i am so busy from work so i didn't have extra energy for that. Also i am down with sore throat and flu and cough. Yucks. Another sad thing is that my terrapins also sick. One of them can't open its eyes and another one injured its mouth. Both of them had not been eating for more than a week. I seriously don't know what to do. x(

2008-11-19T19:18:00.002+08:00

Whee so happy to be here. If only my laptop is 50 % this "normal". Hasn't been touching my blog for damn long. Sad. x( You know la.. Peishi can't stop talking and if she stops, this means that she is going to explode one day. For now, that will be today then. xD

Actually the reason why i can be so free today is because that my boss gave me a break as i had done well yesterday. Initially i was thrilled. But not for long. I managed to sleep till 10 plus in the morning which i really appreciate. I am waiting for my boss to call me to tell me what time she want to meet me. [Our first agreement is to let me rest till about lunch time then go work] However i received a msg from her later on saying that i can rest for the whole day today. I was SSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy. But not for long.

Here quite stress la.. Nothing much to do also. All the same old thing again and again. =( I ate the lunch here and in the end wanted so much to go to eat. Haiz.. Spoiled. You know... =X Then i thought of going out. BUT melea jiejie don't let. Hmm.. Nvm. I can accept rejection now. xD Therefore i went to jewelery room and made two necklace today. But don't know why feel that time passes so slowly. Think that it is because that i am too used to being busy[not study though] and doing things thus i find it totally torturing to see the time passing away just like that. And somehow i feel really sick with the behaviors of some people here. Nvm.. I will be back to work tomorrow anyway. So happy. My job is not exactly scary but i would say that it is challenging. Super. XD

I will be super busy for the next few weeks and i am not afraid to take up the seem-to-be-difficult tasks in other peoples' eyes. I really love my job. Whee!!! You guys want to know what am i doing? =) I am following my boss around when she need me[most of the time]. As in like bring our goods to the outlets. It is challenging because the goods are heavy and you got to figure out how to bring it to the shops all that etc. Then i am a part time salesgirl at Taka for out product. And boss brought me out to meet more people. Sometimes i need to do some boring jobs like tearing the price tags out of the products we got from overseas[the currency is different]. Sometimes boss will faxed me an invoice on what product to pack to bring to where. Sometimes i will be doing stocks taking.[i swear i almost died.. =x] I can't really explain what my job is but basically i do quite a lot of things. Tiring but fun and challenging. xD Can't wait..

Hmm.. Dinner makes me feel very sick. Sick of eating chicken everyday. I want fish!!! =D Someone kind is going to help me buy. Hehe.. She is jie melea. Lols. Low profile, she said. I understand la.. Oh by the way Jie melea treated me and shiyun to dinner at Vivo yesterday. SO nice of her. She ask me to work hard and jiayou. ~smile~ =D=D=D

Don't know why do i have headache. It is quite bad. Haiz. Hope that it is okay by tomorrow. Time passes fast when you work. xD It is already Wednesday today. xD I can see yaoguai soon le... Hehehe.. Yaoguai i love you. xD Can't wait to see you. Don't worry about me i am old enough to take good care of myself. Really. xD Piggy love you. xD

Talking about love.. Godpa had been coming to ag home recently to look for me but i happen to be working. Feel quite bad as he stays in jurong but he came all the way. I don't know how to explain why do i feel so stressed by him. Haiz. I know that he loves me but i just feel uneasy and stressed out. He ask em to call him but i hasn't. No guts to. =x

2008-11-11T21:43:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. Long story yet to tell. But it is not that i am lazy or so[i am definitely not going to admin that i am lazy in any sort]. My laptop is not going to work for me again i guess. So i borrowed eve's lappie today. Don't think that her lappie is always available for my usage. PLEASE, i only happen to have the mere chance today because she is having her last paper tomorrow and she is doing her last minute revision.

So.. Let me start with the Tenth anniversary dinner last Friday. It was great. OK, main point. I see lots of my friends there.[though they are really "old" to be a 16-year-old's friend] And my piece of jewelery was sold for 200 bucks. Best part? Verena told that man that that was my favorite piece and actually i have no wish of selling and that man bought it for 200 buck and gave it to me. WHHHHEEEE!!! Thanks to my tutor. x)

Seriously i don't think that the intention behind is really for the jewelery. I think the main point is to donate. But somehow or rather i am benefited from it. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy la lolx. My necklace is really mine now. X) All the profits from a gems will go to help claudia. We are more than willing to do so. xD At the same time i feel so proud to have shiyun and sejia as partners. xP I just have this likings for kind and nice people. =x Sejia shiyun i love you guys man!

Saturday is the last course of the alpha course. Time passes and the alpha course have come to an end. We are graduating... Hehe... I think that it is important to have close christian friends who can grow in faith with you in God. Essential i would say. Other than the alpha course the rest of the day is still sweet. Hmm... =x Yaoguai i love you~

Monday's physic's paper 1 i also don't know if i can make it. I didn't had y breakfast because i didn't have much things to eat anyway. So by the time i have reached school and in the examination hall, i feel super tired and sick. I try to do[ i did finish the paper] but i simply have no more energy to check and i just sleep till the end of examination. =x Never mind whatever it is, it is over! AND i am FREE!!! I slept the whole day after coming home.. Feel so good. God is good. When i came back from school yesterday, so tired and feeling so sick, jiejie melea ask me if i wan to eat beehoon as there is extra for her. I finally have something to fill my tummy without having me to go out and risk fainting and without having me to spend money. Thank you Lord.

Today is my first day of work. It doesn't seems like work. I am serious. I meeting April at bedok. But she was late. Thus she ask me to go walk walk all that first. Then, we went to the warehouse at bedok. She explain my work, her work, the coming projects, and introduce me to the staffs and show me all the products there. Then we went for lunch and we head to orchard[did i say that she got a car?] We went to orchard to walk walk and to check our stocks and introduce me to people... All that.. Hmmm... Maybe i should save April for my next post. She is nice. x) Really. And she is independent and she have got a strong character. I think i would be able to survive just having 10 percent of her. NO joke. xD Working days is going to be fun!!!

Lastly, I would like to thank you God for being so gracious to me. Thank you for sorting everything out for me. God will make a way indeed.

2008-11-04T20:00:00.004+08:00

I am finally back here again. I have been trying to use my laptop for the past few days but that apparently doesn't work. I have finish most of my papers, to my gladness. In fact i am only left with one last paper which is physics paper one[ mcq questions]. Lolx. So much for me to celebrate for..

Andrew and grace home is having our 10th year anniversary dinner this Friday. I feel bad because i am not really doing. But somehow or rather i managed to get something to do. That is helping Huihui out in the reception. Sound kind of fun. Hehehe. And maybe help to get the right jewelery to be wore on the specific models on that day.

Hasn't really have an idea of what to wear for me myself on that day. I am not asking for the centre of all attractions but just presentable. Me, Shiyun and Sejia will be wearing the jeweleries that we made. Sound quite.. Hmm.. Can't wait. xD Wondering what will others think of our jeweleries. x)

Other than the coming anniversary dinner, i think that i am doing quite okay, bad, recently. I am usually in a foul mood which i can't explain why. Feeling sick and upset and hungry most of the time. Arghhhhh!!! If only all my papers are over.. Left one more. One last one.. Perhaps only then i can focus on what the hell am i going to do with myself.. Something is not right. I wish i am wrong this time. I don't want anything to happen to both of us. I don't want to lose everything again..

Dear God, may i pray that you will guide me through the way. I am afraid. I don't know if you are upset with me now. But i am thankful that even when you are upset with me, you answered my other prayers still, according to my needs. I know that you lord have never forsaken me. However i find myself not worthy. Not worthy of your love and your amazing grace. I have fallen, again. I am scared. I can't rest. Please help me.. Please help us.. Things are falling apart. I am not certain if we could put it back again for the second time. Please give us rest. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

2008-10-27T00:09:00.006+08:00

I know that i have promised, to go to sleep after hanging up on the phone, after going to the washroom. I did want to do so. But somehow i dig out the few letters that you had once wrote for me and i spend quite some time reading them, appreciating them, analysing them, digesting them.. Almost on the verge of memorising them... =x

This is a long 29 months. I know that it is hard. You never said that it wouldn't. But what i think i should be thankful is to have you by my side. I know that you are not perfect. Neither am i. It will br unreasonable to expect you to be perfect. We are human. We are teenagers. We are emotional and sensitive. I guess that's how we got hurt.

Along the way, we have made mistakes. We have been wrong about each other. We have hurt each other. We have a fun time through the 29 months, we have a sweet time. It might be really painful sometimes but it is not always your fault. Sometimes it is just me. We are learning, we are trying. That's good enough isn't it? x)

Let's put our trust in God and pray. I am so thankful to have you. Once, i was rather upset because you were not a christian, therefore i can't depend on you to work things through with me with the help of God. I was tired because it seems as if i am alway the one trying and i alway thought that you don't understand. How i wish that you are a christian also so that our faith will be the same and you might even able to guide me. It came true now. You leading me in our sincere prayers. You told me that things will be fine. You said,"let's pray.." x) It is so comforting to hear that. It helps to smoothen my unsettled heart. And for the first time, i thought that things will really be okay as God will be in control and we will be okay.

Today is definitely a nice day. It just always happen to be nice to be over at your place. Feel more like a home. I thought i enjoy eating dinner with your family. xD Yaoguai i love you~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm.. Miss Asher and Evon and so many other people. It had been quite long.. I wish that i can see them soon. Especially Asher.. But even if i can't see him, i supposed that God have his reasons to it. And i will respect them. As for Evon and the rest.. Hmm.. Should i go to the rpom night? I shouldn't de, i am not considered graduates like them. i will try to see what i can do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now really late le.. Hehe.. 12.39. Now is 27 Oct le.. =x I will sleep after reading through the emails, that you sent those days.. ~ love you dear~ Thanks for today. I am kind of sorry though. I will try to do something to change. I will try to be a good girlfriend..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh ya! Guys please take note that i am currently very busy with my "O" level and this strips me of all enthusiasm in blogging. I will be back asap. Perhaps end of this month?.. See you guys soon~ [shiyun you got miss me not,so long never see you blog nia.. zzz..other ppl also.. maybe they sianz like me. =x]

2008-10-20T14:02:00.005+08:00

Had a wonderful day yesterday. So real yet too real to be true. Even me myself can't tell what's exactly going on. Yaoguai, i just want to say that i love you and i really appreciate you and thankful for you to be my side. If you are not good enough for me who is? xD You are always so sweet...

I am taking my english o tomorrow. God will be with me~

2008-10-18T21:04:00.004+08:00

Finally managed to post after sooooooooo long. Something crops up with my keyboard so i have no chance to type anything. Until now, when eve is out and i borrow her lappie to use.. =x

Recently i have been doing well. Feeling ok. But in fact, i thought that i am way too calm for exams. Either too calm or can't be bothered. I couldn't tell from which apart.. But in general, i am fine. xD God loves me nia~

Today is a nice day. Know why? Cause i am out with yaoguai. I wore the sweet dress that he bought for me and we went to Far East to get my bikinis. x) Yaoguai bought it, for me. x) It is brown, just plainly brown. x)My favourite colour. x) Love yaoguai nia. x) But the bikinis seems kind of expensive.. =x Don't know leh.. Don't know if i should say that love had made him nuts or he simply love me too much. He bought a shirt today as well. x) Can't wait to see him wear~ He look so.. Big.. =x Ehhh.. Uhhh.. I mean he look very big size. =x Can't imagine what will happen if he continue to trian. =x [i will be............. drunk nia...................... =x sooooooooo dead..... *hem...]

We head to church after shopping to attend the alpha course. I am suddenly lost of words to describe my feelings but i can still make out that i am thankful for all the things that God had given me and will continue to give me. I begin to see reasons and sense.

He sent me back to aljunied after the course before he go to his cousin's bd party. Haiz. But i am not lonely. God's children are never lonely. xD I go home, changed, and go down to the canteen to work myself out. Did the Cross-train aerobics for 20 minutes. Went up to room, fed my terrapins and go bath. Oh ya, the male terrapin seems to be sick. x( He puke out everything he ate and he look so tired. Make me feel so heartache.. Going to wait for a few days and see how.. I don't want him to die la.. If after a few days and he still cmi, i think i am going to bring him to the doctor. I know it sounds kind of silly, but the thing is, he is my terrapin. If i am not going to take care of it who will? Just hope that he will be ok.

Tomorrow, will be seeing yaoguai tomorrow. Miss him. Though we just meet just few hours ago..

Yaoguai i love you. Thank you for loving me so much. I know you wouldn't want me to say thank you. But i want to let you know that i can't take this kind of love for granted. Time flies and we actually managed to be together for quite some time le. I love what you have said today-- let's grow up together~
You are so soooo sooooooooooo different from when we first started.. More matured, more thoughtful, more sensible, more understanding, more strong, more decisive, more assuring, and even more charming.. You know what? I enjoy the process of growing up with you. x)
Love you~

2008-10-13T22:21:00.002+08:00

Feeling rather stone. Ahpa is not around, i guess he is already out taking his break with mummy.

Nothing really interesting happen these days and i presumed that this is the results of my study-too-hard attitude. I am taking my physics practical tomorrow. Just hope that i can pass, at least.

Dear God, please be with me. I am afraid, sort of. =x Thank you for sending my 2 tutors here today. Should be kind of coincidence. And they had successfully calm me somehow..

Just miss you, yaoguai.. Why aren't you here..

2008-10-12T00:35:00.002+08:00

I am born again..
God give me reasons to forgive you and to love you and to give you chance.
I begin to see some hope in our relationship. x)
Yaoguai, i love you.
I know that rather or so my hope and wishes will come true.
Because God answered our prayers.

Dear God, thank you for such a wonderful time today. Thank you for loving me. If love between human fades with time, i am certain, that your love won't.. I know you are always listening. We can hide nothing from you. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for giving me the strength to go on. Thank you so much.

Can't wait to be baptised. x)

~~forever God is faithful
forever God is true
forever God is with us
foever
and ever
and ever~~

2008-10-10T21:09:00.002+08:00

I am not able to blog these days because the laptop is not with me...
[yaoguai you know how am i going to skin you alive le right... =x ]

Anyway, i will try to update asap. Provided if i am in a good mood that is. xP
Today is ok. Still ok... Bearable, i would say...

Dear God, I know you love me~ xD Thank you for your blessings.

2008-10-04T21:46:00.002+08:00

I am drunk today...
Without alcohol.

Yaoguai i love you. x)

2008-10-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

Had tuition after devotion. From Sandy. Can't call her jiejie anymore. Lolx. She is 3 months pregnant. I finally pick up courage to ask her today. Hahaha.. God bless her children. x)

Lunch is "peaceful" because most of them are away for performance. Hehehehex.. I went to Parkway there, again, to retrieve my spectacles. =x But don't worry. The shop is open today. *smile~* Feeling rather sick on the bus trip back. I don't know whether to comment on the poor driving skills or the poor road struture that the bus have to keep making turns. Almost puke out my lunch. >o<

I took a 10 minutes break and and down to do some cardio training. Lose 100 over calories in 15 minutes. Feel so cool. xD Lovelovelove~~~

Will try to concentrate on studies tomorrow. Always trying... =x

2008-10-01T22:17:00.002+08:00

Today hmmm... Happy Children's Day!!!! xD

I am STILL awake at about 3 plus am in the morning. Ya. =x Haha. But it is not just me. Eve and Karen were still awake too. But the different thing is that i woke up at 7 am to do the area cleaning. I was experiencing backache after the sweeping of floor.. Thus, i laid on my bed and i convince myself that it is OK to just rest a while and i will go to devotion at 8.30 sharp. But, sadly to say, the so-called "rest" actually "extend" itself all the way till lunch time. And it was Karen who woke me up.. So paiseh nia.. =x

We are allowed to have time out from 2 to 6 pm today. I went to marine parade. In hope of retrieving my spectacles. But to my disappointment, the shop is not opened. Yaoguai reminded me that it is because today is a holiday. =.= So much of getting my spectacles..

I would still say that today i am quite satisfied with myself. I had a good sleep, in the morning. xD And i met yaoguai when i went out. But i didn't really do nothing serious but fun for the whole day. I had maths tuition tonight. And i am on my way of making the door gift Ada is ordering from us for her wedding.. x) SMILE~

Dear God, Thankyou for today. Thankyou for loving me. Thankyou for making my day so fun. Today is my best "children's day present". x) Thankyou..

2008-09-29T17:29:00.002+08:00

Ahpa said that he is going to leave soon. I feel utmost glad that he finally nod to a break. I dare not think about what will happen when he is not around, or perhaps i should say, in control. He told us that he will be around, but he will not be the one directing. Can't wait to know who is the next director.. x) Perhaps we can be more open with our talks with him if he is no longer the director. But perhaps things here will not get so well.. Hmm.. I guess so long as God is in control of the whole situation, things will work.

Have headache only in the morning and this time it sides off after i took the painkiller. But i feel as guilty as last week. This is because i commit myself to my Amaths only in the morning. As for afternoon, i spend that few hours all inside jewelery room making jewelery. xP Addiction. xD

I promise. I will try to do better tomorrow. =x Hehex.. Try la.. Frankly speaking, I can't really concentrate on my "O" anymore. Sort of "allergic" to it. So give me a break. =x If i can do means i can. If can't then.. Too late to do last minute work anyway.. Hope that God will give me motivation.. x)

2008-09-28T14:18:00.002+08:00

Took painkiller but it doesn't work anymore.

I went to jessica to ask her to help me massage. I do feel better, for that moment. Minutes later here goes my headache again and i really don't know what to do.

It doesn't seems to be something got to do with stress level, nor is it lovesick. I am just sick.

Had been thinking a lot lately. And i have come up with this conclusion that i want a full stop to it. Too much cracks.. It is impossible to "plaster" them all.

Will you understand?

2008-09-27T17:57:00.003+08:00

Just finish bathing~ smelling nice~ x)

This morning we got nice breakfast specially prepared by aunty jenny they all. Kind of sweet of them and i ate 2 slices of bread. Soon-ly following up is the thoroughly area cleaning. I cleaned the windows like i have never clean them before. Sooooo many windows to clean la. Thanks group leader. I can only say that you better try to wake up and do more works like those that you have assigned us to before everybody starts to go against you..

I went to take a shower after cleaning and i got changed into the outing clothes. I can't sit still to do my homework because of my headache therefore i go to the jewelery room instead. The best room you can get. xD So there am i, happily making my earrings away~

I left home at about 12 plus. Apparently not feeling really fantastic BUT it is ok. It is still ok. And i have got a great time at alpha course. We have got so much things to discuss that out discussion ends at about.. 4?.. Haha..

I have one more piercing at my left ear. Just pierced it today after alpha. Got it at PS. Had wanted it badly long time ago.. But the situation just seems right for today, even the mood and atmosphere is right! Never feel so good..

2008-09-26T17:57:00.001+08:00

It is never an easy day.. Today is Friday and 26.

2008-09-26T17:53:00.002+08:00

Happy 4 months dude.
I left you 4 months ago, but always bear in mind that God never do. He will love you more than i do.

2008-09-25T23:36:00.001+08:00

Feeling sick of being everything i am not.

Iwy iny ily.. But i am always the bad guy. T_T
Never like it..

2008-09-25T22:47:00.002+08:00

I don't know what's wrong. That makes me so shattered..

I am going to break free from the over-reliance. What will that become i don't know. I want to be free.

2008-09-25T21:03:00.001+08:00

T_T
Headache is killing me.. I don't want to find mummy for medicine.. Can headache kills? I hope it kills me..

2008-09-25T20:28:00.003+08:00

Today is a super duper tiring day. [frown] We basically "renovated" the whole house. Haha.. To a certain extent la.. I am in charged of the thrift shop and i paint the room!!! I am awesome!!! And i did a GREAT job!!! Hehehe.. Actually i only painted one side of the wall.. =x BUT... I am considering painting my own house when i got one next time. x) Will be sooooo lovely. I love to paint..

However happy i thought i am, i am soon turn off by the smell of the paint. It gives me bad headache. That's when i fled as fast as my legs could carry me to jewelery room. Come on, this is my world lah.. I am supposed to be in jewelery room de nia. Don't know who puts me in charge of the thrift shop. My joys lies in jewelery making. Today a lady came and specially order two pair of earrings from me. Feel shiok. The two earrings cost $18. x) There are a lot of other ladies who buy our other stuffs too. Some also specially order necklace from my girlfriends. Hey~ Don't play play ah, we can make it de wor~

Whenever i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO high it means something is wrong.. Haiz.. My headache is here again but i don't want to care.. Haiz.. Feeling so so so empty deep down inside.. Haiz.. Today is Thursday.. People please feel free to ask me out for date this weekends.. From studying to lazing around to talking craps to shopping.. Nothing to look forward to this week.. Why must i hold on just because you say so.

2008-09-24T14:37:00.006+08:00

Just back from the doctor from polyclinic. Were there for almost 4 hours because i have to wait for my other friends. Pain until i almost die.. Arghh..

I am given flu tablets and lozenges and famotin[to protect my stomach from the strong painkiller] and diclofenac sodium tablets[painkiller]. He said that i could have got my heachache by some virus when i got flu and cough this week. But oh well, my cough and flu are gone, not my headache that is... >.< Ehhh.. Don't know what's wrong.. A bit scared.. T~T

Today i pay $4.50 for consultations fees. Not for today's but for the consultations last year at around October. That time i went there.. I almost betray Asher back then.. Well, i did betray him when i step into the polyclinic, but in the end of everything i didn't. x)

Got to go back to rest.. I need to start my work asap. "O" level is coming..

2008-09-23T21:43:00.002+08:00

Having a bad headache for the whole day. >.< Therefore i can't do any work at all. But i did sleep a lot. =x

It started early in the morning when ahpa is giving devotion. I slept at about 10 to 12.30 then go for lunch. I didn't see mummy grace anywhere [sadden] so i went back to my cosy bed. Slept again. this time from 1 to 3. Woke up perspiring like nobody's business and i try to find mummy grace again. My head was still throbbing back then.. T_T But she was nowhere to be seen so i approach melea instead. BUT she REFUSED to give me panadol because she say it is not good and i need to see the doctor. zzzzzz.. She told me to rest but for goodness sake i have been resting sooooo much already. zzzzzz...

So upset. So pain. So.. Argghhh.. Lucky sejia saved me with her panadols. Sejia i love you~ I took 2 panadol at about 5.30. But i still experience abit of pain 2 hours later and even now. Something seems to be not right. Ehhh.. Think i am falling sick soon. I hope it can be really soon so that it won't affect my coming "O" level.

Dear Lord, please make me well again so that i can concentrate in my studies. Amen.

2008-09-22T22:32:00.003+08:00

Today i have Brid and Winnie tay pooh waking up with me in the morning. Not so lonelylonely anymore..

After morning devotion all that, i have actually decided to rest for a while. Out of accident that that while actually last till lunch time. But i am not sorry. I was having a bad headache then. I couldn't explain why is my abnormal behavior. I feel sick all the way inside my stomach. Feel like vomitting, guess my gastric is back again. :S

After lunch, i tried to do some of my work. Can't really concentrate. Awful. Then i go and look for mummy grace till i could bear the headache no more. She concluded that i am too stress from studying. Well, mummy grace is cute la.. x) Hmm.. Sometimes i wonder if she is ever unhappy. But anyway, she makes me smile for a moment or so. x) I took my weight in the medical room. And i am here to announce that i am currently 50 kg. I am not skinny..

I go straight for exercise after taking 2 panadol. Was feeling terrible. I ran for about 15 minutes and i can't take it anymore. Something is wrong.. But i don't care and continue to do weights and tummy trim exercise. Apparently i don't feel any better. Arrrhhh..

I was feeling sick the whole day basically. This melt all my strength for studying.. >.< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Haiz.

I have got this sickening feeling right at the bottom of my stomach. Ehhh...

Dear Lord, please give me the strength and motivation to study tomorrow.. Please make me well again so that i can do better..

2008-09-22T14:07:00.002+08:00

One of the secrets from http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/ says,

"I make fun of him everyday for wanting for marriage
But i don't mind
As long as it is still me
We're 16 "

It is kind of sweet.. So much better off than me not knowing what to do..
Have i not do enough.. Plain temper?.. What's the fuss..

Ahpa i am not his Lamborghini.

Or perhaps i am just being too unreasonable. He loves me. But i hate his cars.

2008-09-20T22:33:00.002+08:00

You know, I adores everything you have got for me. x)

I don't know if you ever believe in God. But if he can bless me, he can do the same for you too. I just want to let you know, that i love you.

2008-09-20T09:24:00.001+08:00

Uhh.. Miss you so much. Haha. Love love you.

So glad, that i will see you soon. x)

2008-09-18T22:26:00.006+08:00

In a depressing state of mind.
Apprehensive.

Yaoguai i feel so terrible... If only i can see you.

2008-09-18T22:26:00.005+08:00

Today Fiona left here for good, to most people's "joy". I hope that they are really glad.

You know, Fiona. I am here uttering a heart-felt prayer for you. I don't know what to make out of the events that is happening today. However, i sincerely wish that you will be more happy there. And i will be waiting for you to come out. You never know that going in might be a blessing in disguise...

Maybe you don't know. That you have touched me so many times. I would never forget how you Had helped me, amusingly, when i can't flush the toilet. That's like, few months ago?... But i would never forget.

You know, I believe that you will be back. Jiayou~ x)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is like a day same as before. But the food we ate today are marvellous. It is really not bad. x) And just makes me feel so happy... Though the stress level due to the exams are not yet settled. Can't help being stress la. But i have learnt that you can't sit in front of your books and stare at it for the whole day. It just don't work this way. Therefore i am trying to be in a relax mode now. If i can't concentrate, i am going to take a walk. [clapsclaps x)] But the thing is i usually took quite a long walk... Hehehe... [sheepish]

Will jiayou for tomorrow. I tell myself that i am going to be fine. At most a fail. Things will be alright... x) For God will guide me through~

2008-09-17T22:19:00.001+08:00

Sulking away...

Told you why.

Love you though. Life is beautiful. x)

2008-09-17T10:06:00.003+08:00

Feel so reluctant to wake up this morning. Nowadays i dread the long work, work and more work. Hasn't been doing my role though. I am supposed to do something for my English and Physics and Combined humanities and Maths. So far nothing is done for English and Combined Humanities. [sulk]

Sometimes you don't have a choice... But seriously studies make you a nerd. As in studying things that really doesn't really interest you. RGGGHHHH.

Did i mention that two girls here had shaved their hair bald 2 days ago? Not for money not for MP3 not for fame. I guess it has something got to do with their theory of starting a new life again. They had seriously impressed me. No fussy remarks like "oh my hair is so short now blahblahblah" . But one thing that concern me is the significant of their shaving of hair.

Again in Ahpa's devotion, he talks about his "cheamcheam" philosophy. I conclude that it is definitely not easy being a human. Yesterday night he was talking about comfort zone. So, now. Have your comfort zone been intruded? Are you comfortable with who you are today and the situations you are in?

Comfort zone is a boundary that you build to prevent some people coming in. Comfort zone is the place at which you will feel at ease. Comfort zone is a place you feel safe and secure.

Are you destroying your own comfort zone then? This morning he happen to be talking about self imprisonment. It is not all the time that you are trapped by the people around you. Instead, you give restrictions to yourself most of the time. And you are often bound by your own mistakes. Beautiful clothes disguised us and hide us perfectly. But underneath the perfect skin show a broken naked self. The bruised and the hideous cuts are the works of your neglects. Many a times we strip ourselves off all the purity and values and dignity. Worthwhile?

Human are the "weird-est" and the "cute-est" creature on earth. We know that fire can kill us yet we jump right into it. Sometimes we get so used to the fire that we don't even want to get out anymore. Sometimes we didn't even know that we are burning away...

Again we will ask. Since i am already half way burn through the stick of candle, why don't you let me just continue to burn away?

Humans are never contented. Not in the past, not now, and never in the future. This is what happen to everyone of us. The difficult thing is to break this curse or cycle or whatever you say it is... After analying issues, aren't you supposed to solve it?

I will be back to my revisions later on. Will keep in mind that "o" level is something that i can't run away from. But again, there will only be 2 outcome. It is either a pass or fail. And i will either have to try or just heck it all. I will try. Though trying may not be always enough...

You know, there are more things than to just studies in my life... x) Studies will just be another test. There will be more tests to go for and it will not be everything.

2008-09-16T21:43:00.005+08:00

We got to spell "why" by W. H. Y because this is the way in which it is internationally recognised. It is something that you can't change. & because someone who lived long ago set this rule, you will just to follow. No ??? are required and can be answered. In other words, you can't explain everything. There is no answer to everything. Jie melea told me that there are other things which are more important other then pondering about things that no one can answer.

However after realising all this logics, i still think that it is ok to ask such questions. When you are free, that is. You see, one day we WILL ask all this again. When we have more free time, when we don't have to spend so much energy on the problems we faced now [maybe when you are really old]. I strongly believe that it will happen. And i still think that there are answers even if you can't explained. There are too many things that are beyond human's words. Who knows, you might know and even understand if you had thought hard enough. BUT, i will not attempt to think about such things again when i am down. Improper handling could turn things nasty. [sulk]

Actually i am stress again. Simple things like studying make me almost puke. I tried my very best to understand the dancing words before my eyes. Oh well, i thought i do. But they merely dance their lives away before i could even snap pictures of them... WA!!! T_T Bad headache... >.< So in the end, nothing really get into my head... [frown] So howhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhow... It is either pass or fail. Shouldn't be failing... But with a mere passing grade. Heck it. No matter what, I WILL NOT take it again next year...

2008-09-15T23:05:00.003+08:00

once started, reluctant to stop. once reluctant to stop, got addicted. once addicted, can't stop. [sigh]

2008-09-15T16:46:00.002+08:00

Feel so much better after talking to jie melea. Learnt that you can't demand an answer for every question.

Dear God, I have faith in you and i know that you will guide me through my difficult times. Please give me the strength to concentrate in whatever i need to focus in. Thank you for being there, always.

Just back from doing 15 minutes of cross-train aerobic. Feel sexier and happier. Haha...
Hope i can lose some weight at some areas and tone up some areas and gain mass at another area. =x Hehe... [sheepishly]

So, now, i am going to sweep my room. Then followed by bathing. I will use the body scrub and facial mask today. WHEE! Will continue with my homework after bathing or dinner.

You make me smile~ x)

2008-09-15T13:10:00.003+08:00

Had coffee and one slice of bread for breakfast. Then there goes the same morning routine...

Sandy came this morning to give me tuition... Don't feel very well. I questioned God why on earth are we placed here in the first place. Purpose? Meaning? All does'nt seems to make sense. >.< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">nia? "O" level. Make. Me. SICK~ arghhhh...

Best thing about home schooling is that you can feel free to allocate your time for your study time and play time and of course, blogging time. But why i feel so particularly apprehensive?

Pimples are popping out. My eyeballs are going to pop out soon as well...

Now peishi please get back to your work and study!!! [sulk] Oh well, no more games on weekdays before 9.30 pm...

Why is life like that? Why God create us? Don't understand.

2008-09-14T22:16:00.002+08:00

Today is rather nice. Watch Babe and Transformers with yaoguai. Haha.

Tomorrow i got to do all my studying stuffs again. Jia you wor peishi~ Pray that God will give me the help i need to stay cheerful. And hopefully send someone who can motivate me to study to be by my side. x)

Will be going to sleep quite soon... Sweet dreams for everybody~

2008-09-14T13:34:00.003+08:00

Hasn't been blogging for like, uh, 2 days. It is not my fault. Friday i can't get connected to the internet. Boo~~~ >.< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">nia.

Just now went to the church. Kind of like going to church these days. Make me feel more cheerful and happy. AND most importantly, Peaceful, Actually.

NOW here i am in a special place using the computer of my special person and we are talking about special things. xP Cloud~ I feel GAY!!! And just now we went to west mall for lunch. Had a great and wonderful time together. Especially after lunch when we went to shop for something small yet important to me. [blinkblink] Haha... Shiyun i will tell you when i see you uh. xP You know~

But hmm... After i go home today i am going to tell my gf(s) where to buy those cute, special, powerful items that gals diedie should have. =x Lolx.

Going to watch a movie after this. Hope you guys can see me later on~ x)

2008-09-11T21:31:00.002+08:00

Failed to complete any work today. All expected. Let me see, the only thing i have done right is the 12 pairs of earrings that i have made. Pretty things make me feel better for a while or so.

Dinner is great. I took a second serving [i really ate a lot] but now i am hungry again. All i can say is that my stomach is abnormal. And i didn't do any sports today. Whole body is aching and that i have no strength to even run up the stairs. Falling sick... I know i am going to.

I am trying to plan my schedule for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning i am going to finish one paper 1 for Emaths. Afternoon i will be doing my physic practical practise, with melea. Lolx. Then i will be trying to do my Amaths paper at night...

I ask ahpa if i am allow to go to prom night [unsure if it is prom or pron but nvm] but in return, he ask me do i really want to go? Time for me to be smart i guess. I am no longer in school. Things will be very complicated. They are, in fact.

Oh well, all these are just so depressing... And weekends are coming soon. Can i cry?... Want to run. But this time i will be alone. Just see what will hold me back... Which i have doubted. Sometimes i know ahpa won't understand either.
All ready.

I am in pieces...

2008-09-11T17:16:00.001+08:00

Yay~ Won 1000 neopoints while playing the wheel of excitement. Lolx. Kiddy games. =x

At least i am smiling now...

2008-09-11T13:06:00.004+08:00

Just finished my lunch. Had fried bee hoon. The interesting thing is that i realised that the bee hoon is bland at some parts and super salty on the other part...

If things can be as easy as the bee hoon. Salt and bland. All you need to do is to try to mix them together evenly. How to sort out my emotions orderly? Love doesn't change. But heart is too tired to continue. Sweet memories haunt me. But things are too painful to accept. Dreams never die. But heart is dead. So do i still love? Will memories still be sweet. Will dreams die.

Now i know of something worst then dying. That is to face the issue and try to resolve it and try it all over again...

What if it fail?

How much is enough?

How painful is the max. ?

How long is soon?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went ahead to make earrings just now. Dumped all my homework and "O"s. For that instance i thought i am free. Planning to sell the earrings at my tutor's Mum's shop. Uncertain if the sales will be good. But the thing is that there is no harm trying. At least i get to know the market. Also, i plan to sell to people like us who is going for Prom Night, Party, Dance, Dinner etc. All the earrings made are actually suitable for the events. Having consideration that not many teenagers would spend much for expensive gem stones, glass beads and stones and some fresh water pearls will do a good job. Will see how we can promote it... And maybe get some help if we can. Will get ahpa to support me, with the capital that is. Got to find the market myself... [zzz] Anybody who know of any way to help me?... Hehe... How about going to school? Seems kind of silly... Never mind. I know that all the help i need will be sent to me when the timing is right. God is great! Amen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back to square one... Can somebody tell me what to do? Be it for myself or for both parties.

Too much of the complications. Maybe i just got to try to wait for the time to give me an answer.

No amount of words can sufficiently describe how on earth i felt. Only God knows. Hoping for an answer from him. Simply because i am really tired.

2008-09-11T09:38:00.001+08:00

Need a peace of mind.

2008-09-11T00:29:00.007+08:00

I don't care if this is going to hurt my eyes or whatever hell. I am here to kill my eyes so that i don't have to see a single shit again.

hateangerhurtbeachmarriageunderstandingtestringdisappointedirritatedgivein21cryheartwrenchingstopvanishhearROMfearanxietysmileshoutgiggleshrugdunoplaytryfunloveconcernsmoochartcoffeetouchmassagelaughlolx=DyellowchristmassurprisepresentsthoughtsmeaningpureannoyingupsettingheartbrokenbraindeaddyingsuffocatedrejectedliarspiercestingtearsparanoidcomplicationspainslonelinessdefiancefallingapartbreakinglostashergonedepressblankdazesicktiredvulnerableweaksuicideovertoolatebabymadcrazyimportantsweetdisappearedfondlekissesscreamstrugglehugsgentleflaredcaressstonedumbfoundedmotionlessbrinkvergejumprundestroyrosehoneyringmistakescarelessFOREVER>>>

Thrown.

2008-09-10T13:26:00.002+08:00

Haiz. Basically missing everybody.

Feel like getting a job. A part time one. Want to go shopping... x) Thinking of doing whole sale for my jewelery...

So many things to be done.

2008-09-10T12:46:00.002+08:00

Talking to lala over msn now... Really miss her a lot. [sigh]

Feeling totally out of mind now. Still can't do things right yet. I know i got to move on, but it is too hard to be done. "O"s are coming round the corner. Brain dead. COME ON!!! PEISHI WAKE UP!!!

Ehhh... Nevermind, still very sianz. ZZZ... AHHHH~!!! I can't do my homework at all... [sobs] I need help la... When my tutor coming... [sobs] I need someone to motivate me. [actually i don't think it will work anyway...but at least try to get back to work...] Lucky my maths tutor coming tonight... AT LEAST, my maths won't fail...

HATE all subjects now. Just feel like running away. =x I wish ahpa can help me you know. But i think he will just tell me to move on. The thing is I DON"T KNOW HOW... [sulk]

In a fucking foul mood... [conclusion]

2008-09-09T13:25:00.001+08:00

Rotting away...

Trying to do something good. >.<

2008-09-09T10:35:00.002+08:00

I stared at my books and my mind is blank...
I took out my erhu and i start to cry...
I drank my cup of tea and got reminded of how i started taking coffee...
I looked at the photo on my desk and i see him...
I told myself, piggy is dead...

Evelyn where are you?... When will you come back from school? Run besides me. & perhaps i will smile. Perhaps i can forget. Hey, motivate me to study. Study with me... I am shrinking myself away.

2008-09-09T09:43:00.004+08:00

how much promises and flowers are needed to bury the scar...

promises break; flowers fade.

what stays?

2008-09-08T11:37:00.002+08:00

Teenagers are meant to swing about. This is what ahpa had said. Hahahahaha.. But it sure do make some sense. Teenage is a period of time before you enter in adulthood. So,this period in a way, teenage prepares you for adulthood. At this period of time you think a lot. You can't stick on to your decisions. You tend to swing here and there... And it is normal. Lolx.

But look at this, if you know that you are going to swing about so what can you do to make sure you don't fall down from the swing? Ahpa told us to jump at the swing at the right moment so that you wouldn't get hit or injured.

I think for most of the time, we don't know what is right. As in, how much allowance can we give ourselves to our experimenting and exploring?... As you guys can see. This is especially crucial. No one can tell us how much is just right or acceptable. Maybe people can advice you to jump just when the swing is about to swing back or that you wouldn't get yourself hitted by the swing. But what about the exact timing and angle etc. ?

Thus you got no choice but to try it yourself. This is what i think. But after you know how you fall, you got to try not to fall the same way again. Teenage is all about falling...

Can't wait to grow into an adult. Hehehe... Met my IO just now. Everything is going well. For me, i am apparently more cheerful and well. Bad things really end and life goes on. Better. My IO told me to have fun before i settle down. =x Haha... Goes to party, have fun, meet people, go shopping, travelling, hang out with your girlfriends, get some fun working experience... And of course don't neglect your studies. Because after you got married, there is lots of things that you don't get to do anymore... >.< Hehehehe...

I WILL have my fun. I promised. Promised myself... x) There is so many things that is fun out there. Growing growing growing...

Ehh... But i got to get back to my studying later on. Bother. Work and more work... As i do my homework, i am going to tell myself that i am not bother by it and i am going to continue to have fun. Do sports, make jewelery, play instrument, drawing... WHEE!!!!!! Haha... Kind of fun.

Okay. I am starting my work after eating my lunch... Then after studying a while then go and do some runninng... Then... Study... Do facial mask... Eat... Play... Clean room... ... ... ...

Love. Myself. xD

2008-09-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

Happy~ xD

I love yaoguai. I know he does love me as well... x)

2008-09-06T21:16:00.003+08:00

Ehhh.. [smile] Today turn out to be kind of smooth...

Feel loved and great and good alright...

You know, you going to church makes a very big difference. It makes me feel the security that i couldn't explain. And thanks sooooo much for insisting to buy the panadol. Sweet. Best part? It works. x) So sorry that i actually fell alsleep... But you see, i fell alsleep because i feel very safe and cosy nia... xP

Yaoguai i love you. x)

Muacks.

2008-09-05T13:12:00.002+08:00

Feeling rather moody. Normal?...

Whether it is normal or not it doesn't bother me so much. What i am concern is that i have no motivation for anything. Bloody hell. I can't do my work. [ i took 10 minutes just staring at my book and nothing get into my head at all.] I can't play my erhu also. This is the first time i ever play so awfully out of tune. ZZZZZZZZZZ... I don't even dare to dig out my sketchbook and draw and paint. Doing jewelery is a no no as i have no idea when will i start to dismantle all my jewelery pieces. >.<

Best part? NO ONE upsets me.. =x

ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[sicked and tired]

Fine, another bad day. [scowl]

2008-09-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

Ehh...New rules and restrictions... [sulks]

Oh well,i am not a princess...

And i am not living in a palace... >.<

2008-09-04T12:57:00.002+08:00

Ate century egg porridge for lunch... mmmm...Yummyyummyyummy... Funny where has my fats gone to...[gigglygiggly]

*contented*

Can i not do my homework?... =x Hehehehe... Going to jewelery room later on~

[hiccups]

2008-09-04T09:58:00.005+08:00

It is kind of amusing when my maths tutor came last night. Not to give tuition but ended up talking about career plans. She had obtained Bachelor of Arts(psychology). No Honors though. And she was telling me how big the difference it is. She had worked in a hospital for 2 years, working as a psychologist in smoking sensation. She said but life is not easy. Thus she switched to sales, which is her current job. The pay is quite okay but she got to work like a cow. Life is stressful. Then yesterday she was asking me if she should be a teacher...

Hmm... I mean, why not?... Teacher is definitely a stable job. [since when you see teacher crying b'coz they were fired? lolx. ] However one thing i am not sure is dealing with kids. Primary school teacher is better i think. Stress level is not that high. x) Haha. Anyway i just found out that the salary of primary school teacher and that of a secondary school is the same. So, well...

Her sharing with me actually struck me. What about me? I love art and music and analysing & ... But i guess we ought to be realistic. It is the most difficult thing on earth to do what you like as a job. I think lah. >.< So we ended up having this conclusion that i should get into psychology course if i got the means to and i will continue my "O" level Arts next year. Anyway, Art is easy. =P I can cope i believe. x)

Honestly i have no idea what lies ahead. Out of sudden i dread the coming adulthood. Being an adult is never a fun thing. I don't want to grow up anymore. =x Ehh... Sound really childish. Fine.

Today's morning devotion ahpa is just talking growing up process nia. [so zhun] He says teenage life is like a pendulum. You swing from one end to the other end and you will fall when you don't get the beat right. HA! He says but most of the time we will fall. Some people swing too fast to the end. But the thing is we ourselves never want to grow so fast. It is unconsciously. I am obviously the one that swing even further from the end. zzzzzzzz... Being forced to grow up is never a fun matter. It is when you face problems and you can't say you don't want to make a decision or you don't want to do anything...

Sometimes devotion goes on and repeat the same thing again and again. Us making the same mistakes over and over again and getting into the torturing cycle again and again. This is when i start to reflect. I suppose that somehow someone is aware...>.< You see... Everyone wants to change but the temptation is great. It is just too hard to not let your emotions and desire rule over you. For instant, among friends of yours who smoked, can they quit overnight?

Most of the time we know what's right and what's wrong. For me i wished i never had learnt. Judging yourself is the most struggling thing to do...

2008-09-03T11:26:00.002+08:00

I am in an especially foul mood. Jealousy seems to contribute to it. Same does all the complications.

All my room mates are still sleeping when i wake up for daily morning routines. It sucks. & now all of them are out. BUT i am stuck here. The girls are going out as well. But not me that is. Tuition had tied me down. I am having my tuition at 7.30 and if i go with them i can only be back by 8.30. Going out by myself is a big, fat, no no simply b'coz today is a weekday. & worst thing is that even if i can go out, i have got no place in mind. How on earth are you going to concentrate in having fun when you got tons of work to do... =.= [struggle+struggle]

Sometimes it may not means abusing of freedom will definitely occurs when you got all your freedom. I wanted to keep a handphone, want to be free to go when i want to, want to be free from the programmes. Who can understand that it is not as if i will use hp for 24 hr a day, go out everyday till 12 midnight?!? There is a difference between you can't do something at all and you can have the freedom to do so but you choose not to.

Again it involves complications. If she had really break out ties forever, a lot of things will happen. I am free in my sense of freedom and i can even suffocate myself in the overwhelming "free-ness". Surely pros and cons will be in the picture. But you know what? I always thought that having parents who had passed away is way better then having irresponsible parents. Love is a bigbigbig question mark.

Just now i have thought of having a talk with ahpa. You can never have a good talk because of what a fearsome, respectable, professional, authority he holds. No emotions and feelings are involved and can be involved. Sometimes i thought i saw what some stirrings of softeness in him but the emotions slipped away before i could even grasp. It must be so tough for him to behave in this way. And it is as tough for me to not able to confide in him because of his position.

If there is anyone who can help me now i guess it will be God. This mixture of emotions i have within me now is tearing me apart...

2008-09-03T00:47:00.002+08:00

Shag.

I geniuenly have no idea how our conversation got into this. This is the last thing on earth that i want to discuss with you right now. I want to discuss it but i had kept it so long. Intinct told me that the time is not yet right...

I never stop praying for you... At the very moment i know i need help,i guesss u need it as well... Haiz... Can't focus...

2008-09-02T18:52:00.000+08:00

Feeling particularly hungry these days. & i seriously had no idea where have the things i ate gone to. I am not growing fat. [managed to slim down in fact] I am not growing tall. Nor i am really chionging sports... Kind of weird... *.* You see, i am really hungry all the time. [ Not when i am eating right at the moment lah.]

Sometimes i start to think if my hunger got something to do with spiritual hunger. Hunger for God's love?answer?... Ehhh... I guess that is way out of the topic... But i certainly feel the emptiness in my life. I am getting the things that i want gradually. However i can't seem to be satisfied. I have got more, but not contented. I think this is an important phase in your life when you really got to think. For me i am trying to figure out what went wrong.

Uhhuh. Maybe there is something wrong with my stomach. Hehehehehexxxx...Hmm..

2008-09-02T13:46:00.001+08:00

I am here to announce that my alarm clock is officially dead. Zzzz.. Thanks goodness that i am not late for anything. I am like, hmm?nevermind still early & i go back to sleep. =x

Had coffee for breakfast, which is pretty unusual. However a person can change, i suppose that our taste buds change somehow as well. Coffee. Still couldn't make out what the hell made me drank that.

This morning i picked up my baobei erhu again. After so long, i know. Brid was there asking me to play some funny tunes. Lolx. Then Sam dolphin was seen practising her "kung fu" away... It rained. Brid was trying to suggested that it rained b'coz my playing was horrible or of some sort. =.= Hmm... I'm trying to imaging her playing... Ha! Missing Tala.. She used to think that the tune from erhu that i was playing is coming from radio. So diao la... Really miss her. Got stuffs to bitch about. Well, girls...

My tutor came yesterday and gave me tons of work to do but she is so kind to plan a schedule for me. Just the kind of thing that i need. [I didn't manage to follow it exactly though =x ]

They all are going for time out tomorrow. Going out with staffs that is. Ya i do understand that holidays don't apply to them at all. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!!!? My roomies are all "free" except me. Can't help feeling unfair. I am not free after all. Hate this place right now.
T~T I have to join their activity tomorrow... Oh i don't have to, i am having tuition tomorrow, so this spells x) .

Going back to my work again. I wished i don't have to do them... Why didn't God save me from this?... =x

2008-09-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

First day here. Not a good day to start with,though.

I woke up to see everybody still sleeping like pigs. Funny thing was that i wash up as usual...Then go back to sleep. =x I am always a pig nia..

Ahpa's morning devotion was about the same. Not to say that his "lessons" was boring. OMG. Forget to say happy teacher's day to him...[One day i am going to post one whole post about him. x) ] Out of sudden i was somehow reminded that i ask ahpa yesterday when can i go home some day. Wanted so badly to take back my words. I know now that it is not the right time yet. or maybe i don't want to go back at all.

Ahpa's devotion ia talking about aceptance, reject... Aceptance, receive... So i guess it's time... If life is really about swallowing all the bitterness as if they are your food that you need to survive, how far can i run?